


The Potted Orchid Proposition

by RJ_Anderson



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-19
Updated: 2009-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-04 15:29:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJ_Anderson/pseuds/RJ_Anderson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sheldon has a plan, but Penny's not sure she can go along with it. How far will Sheldon go to convince her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sheldon Cooper was frustrated.

Yes, it had taken him twenty-eight days of careful self-analysis and consideration of his present circumstances and future plans to decide how he felt and what he should do about it. Possibly that delay had been an error. But no, his deliberations had been only prudent, indeed only _logical_ given the magnitude of the choice involved.

Yet by the time he had finally made up his mind and was ready for action, the object of his intentions had made herself unavailable. Which was exceedingly poor timing on Penny's part, and made Sheldon feel quite put out.

*

_November 21, 6:18 p.m. Operation Phalaenopsis aborted upon observation of subject greeting "Ed,_" _a.k.a. Elevator Repair-Moron__, with a passionate embrace in her doorway. Experienced sharp abdominal pangs, accompanied by minor heart palpitations and throbbing in the temples. Nevertheless, maintained calm exterior while concealing potted orchid behind back and retreating to home base. _

_Collision with doorframe en route caused only minor damage to orchid, but painful contusion on lower back required bandaging._

*

He'd had a whole speech prepared to give her. It had five main points with three sub-points each, a pattern that Sheldon found pleasing, and it proved with irrefutable logic that he, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, would make a faithful companion, an attentive lover, and a reliable source of emotional and material support if Penny were willing to accept him as such. It also outlined his reasons for believing that he and Penny would be compatible in a long-term relationship despite their intellectual disparity and different—indeed opposite—personality types. If Penny stayed awake long enough to hear the full speech, he felt confident she would be impressed by it.

Except that she wasn't around to listen, because she'd gone out to dinner with another man. One of those beefy, grinning Neanderthals that she inevitably gravitated toward when her loneliness overwhelmed her better judgment—in this case, the repairman who'd been sent to fix the elevator.

(He hadn't fixed it, of course. He'd taken one look at Penny and dropped his toolbox down the shaft. Really, how could she possibly be attracted to anyone so manifestly stupid? Yet she'd given him her phone number without hesitation, and now she and "Ed" were on their first date.)

Unfortunately, Penny had not kept Sheldon apprised of her plans, so he had allowed Leonard, Raj and Howard to go out to the movies without him. And now that Penny was also gone, he had nothing to do but sit alone in the apartment with his laptop and update his journal (which was not only encrypted using a cipher of Sheldon's own devising, but required three different alphanumeric passwords to access, so let that be a lesson to you, _Howard)_.

*

He had begun the journal nearly six weeks ago, the night that he, Leonard, Howard, Raj and Penny had all sat down together to watch the new digitally re-mastered director's cut of _The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: Across the 8__th__ Dimension._ When the movie began Penny was sitting upright on the sofa with the bowl of popcorn on her lap, but as the film progressed she began to lean farther and farther into Sheldon's personal space, until finally she fell asleep on his shoulder.

This would have been irritating, but nothing more—except that at that same moment, Sheldon abruptly lost his ability to concentrate. The involuntary transfer of his focus from the crazed antics of Dr. Emilio Lizardo to the faint apricot fragrance of Penny's hair and the warmth of her slow breathing against his neck was unprecedented; but worse, Sheldon found that he _could not_ ignore her proximity and return to enjoying the film, no matter how hard he tried. An unfamiliar fluttering sensation developed in his stomach, a prickling heat spread up his thighs, and he spent the rest of the movie in acute discomfort, convinced that he was experiencing a physiological crisis yet unwilling to move for fear of waking Penny.

Fortunately, no one else in the room seemed to have noticed his rigid posture or rapid, shallow breathing, and when the movie ended and Penny stumbled blearily off to her own apartment, Sheldon's discomfort soon began to alleviate. Nevertheless, he resolved to make a note of his symptoms, so that he could discuss them with a doctor at the earliest possible opportunity.

Later that night, as Sheldon lay fretful and sleepless in his bed, it occurred to him that he must have experienced a mild attack of claustrophobia, or perhaps agoraphobia. Which was, in its own way, reassuring: all it meant was that in future, he would have to insist that no more than three people could occupy the sofa at one time (one per cushion, a perfectly sensible arrangement), and all would be well.

*

Unfortunately, that theory was disproven the very next day, when the same symptoms recurred under very different circumstances. Penny had come bounding up the stairs with a load of freshly washed laundry just as Sheldon was coming down with a basket of his own, and the two of them collided in a spectacular eruption of clean and dirty garments. She'd babbled an apology and dropped to her knees to help him pick up the mess, and Sheldon had found himself staring straight down the neck of her low-cut blouse.

He'd averted his eyes almost at once, but a feverish warmth had swept up his body and made him feel queasy and light-headed. Then Penny's fingers brushed his own as she handed him back his basket, and Sheldon's mind had gone utterly and terrifyingly blank.

"What's the matter, Sheldon honey?" she'd teased him, when he didn't speak. "Soft Kitty got your tongue?"

Sheldon spent the rest of that evening looking up various illnesses, diseases and allergic reactions on the internet, but the results were inconclusive.

*

By the third Penny-related incident, however, the connection between his bodily distress and the proximity of a certain effusive blonde neighbor had become apparent even to Sheldon. Apparently some internal switch had been triggered, although he could not imagine how, that had rendered the physical side of him no longer willing to unquestionably obey his brain. Quite on its own, his body had decided that it was ready to select a mate—and for some reason, it had settled on Penny.

At first the idea infuriated him, and he resisted it with all his might. For the next few days he avoided Penny as much as possible, making excuses not to be in the same room with her, so that he could punish the physical side of himself for this unforgivable betrayal. And yet the more time he spent alone in his room, the more Penny invaded his thoughts. He missed her boldness, her impish humor, the way she spurred him to reconsider his preconceptions and challenge himself in new ways. Without her, he felt as though he were lacking some necessary stimulus, some essential spark.

Then a new idea struck him: Could could it be that his physical reaction to Penny was not so much a failure of self-command as it was a sort of… intuition? His body's way of alerting him to an important detail that his intellectual pride had stubbornly refused to take into account?

Was it possible that a romantic relationship between himself and Penny might be a _rational_ choice?

*

_October 9, 11:01 a.m.: _ _Knocked on subject's door to deliver package, and also compliment her on her charming appearance. Subject, dressed in a sleeveless top and Hello Kitty pajama bottoms, interpreted this remark as a slur and responded sarcastically before slamming door in my face._

*

By treating Penny with elaborate courtesy and observing her response, Sheldon had hoped to measure her willingness to view him in a romantic light. However, upon finding his tentative advances repeatedly misinterpreted and rebuffed, he had realized that Penny was simply unable to attribute to him the same motives she would take for granted from other men. She had known him too long as a person who disdained all forms of sentiment and took no interest in sexual activity, and now all his attempts to test the romantic waters with her were greeted with suspicion, if not outright disbelief.

*

_October 18, 7:05 p.m.: Greeted visibly weary subject on her return from work by inquiring about her day and offering a friendly smile. Unfortunately, her immediate response consisted of "Oh, hell to the no. What have you done now?" followed by a hurried retreat to her apartment to search for signs of tampering or damage._

_Note: Reputation as a light-hearted prankster appears to have become a liability._

*

On the surface it might appear that all these failures were an excellent reason for Sheldon to give up and pursue an easier course—such as selecting a different young woman who might be more receptive to his affections. But by this point, Sheldon didn't _want_ to give up. No matter how fraught with difficulty and even humiliation the enterprise of wooing Penny might prove, he was resolved—in mind as well as body—to see it through.

If she understood his intentions, heard what he had to say and then chose to refuse him, so be it. But he would not back down until he was certain that she had really understood.

*

And so it was that after recording his latest journal entry and playing two and a half hours of _Age of Conan_ (during which the experience of slashing trolls in two with a battle-axe proved even more satisfying than usual, particularly once he had mentally named them all "Ed"), Sheldon was still alert and ready for action when Penny returned from her dinner date.

Nevertheless, he knew it was unlikely that he would have a chance to talk to her tonight. He could already anticipate what he was about to hear: breathless laughter and a scurry of feminine feet followed by a pounding of masculine ones, a too-short conversation full of unfinished sentences, heavy breathing and smacking noises and finally the death-knell of Penny's apartment door crashing shut. Sheldon had always noticed these things; he'd simply never bothered to care about what they meant, until now.

But what he actually heard was something quite different. Slow, dragging steps accompanied by shaky breathing and—was that a sob?

"Sheldor is AFK," he informed the rest of his troll-raiding party, then carefully took off his headset, set his laptop aside, and opened the apartment door.

Penny stood alone on the landing, her back to him as she fumbled with her apartment key. Her formerly upswept blonde hair was in disarray, and her shoulders shook with suppressed emotion.

Odd: Sheldon should have been gratified that she had returned without her date, but for some reason he was only aware of a curious hollow sensation as he observed his neighbor's distress. It was impossible to retreat and leave her in such a condition, so he approached quietly and said, "Penny, are you in need of assistance?"

She gave a violent start and whirled on him, one arm upraised to strike. Sheldon instinctively scuttled back—and then Penny's expression crumpled into helplessness and she sank onto the bottom stair, burying her face in her hands.

"Penny?" asked Sheldon dubiously, unsure if she wanted him to leave or stay. She didn't answer, so after a moment he crept over and perched on the stair beside her, still tensed to flee should she prove hostile.

Several seconds passed in silence, broken only by Penny's muffled weeping, and then she slowly teetered over and leaned against him as she cried. It was a cue that not even Sheldon could mistake, and after a fractional hesitation he extended his arm and curved it very gingerly around her shoulders.

This gesture appeared to be adequate, for Penny's sobs soon subsided, and she wiped her eyes on the back of her hand. "It's just," she choked out, as though continuing a conversation they had started some time before, "I'm sick of the whole stupid dating thing, you know? Meeting a cute guy, going out with him, getting drunk, taking him back to my place, and next thing I know he's seeing somebody else—I can't believe I almost did it _again._"

"Oh, I can," said Sheldon, then caught her glare and amended, "I mean, that has been your characteristic relationship pattern." Penny's gaze remained hostile, however, so he tried a third time: "So what was the cause of this unprecedented acquisition of self-control and sound judgment?"

"Well, I'd like to say I had some big 'Eureka!' moment," said Penny sarcastically, "but actually I was on my third gin and tonic and feeling pretty friendly when Ed's ex-girlfriend showed up and tried to scratch my eyes out. I was all set to deck her before I realized she was about six months pregnant, and the whole Ed thing kind of went downhill fast after that."

"Oh," said Sheldon.

"All I want is a _nice_ guy," moaned Penny, slumping against him again. "But all the nice guys I know are too shy for me, and the ones who aren't shy are all—crap-lizards."

Sheldon considered this. He wasn't shy, at least not by any useful definition of the word. However, he found it difficult to believe that Penny considered him a "crap-lizard," whatever that was. "What about me?" he asked.

"What?" asked Penny, wrinkling her nose as though he had uttered a non sequitur.

"Am I _nice,_ by your definition?"

Her face cleared. "Oh, honey, you don't have to worry about that. I was talking about _guys_. Like, as in guys who want to date me, not—"

"Penny, I would appreciate if you would answer the question." He spoke firmly, though his heart was pounding and his throat felt tight.

She sighed and pulled the last few pins out of her hair, letting it tumble free over her shoulders. _"Nice_ is not exactly the word for what I think of you, Sheldon. I mean, you have to admit you've been pretty pissy to me these last couple of weeks, and I know Leonard's your roommate and all, but he's actually been great about the whole thing and I really don't think I deserve that."

Sheldon frowned at her, utterly at a loss as to what she was talking about. What did Leonard have to do with all of this?

"I felt _bad_, Sheldon," Penny went on earnestly. "He tried so hard to make it work for us, and I thought I really wanted it to work too, but when he asked me out again I just—I thought about all the other times it's fallen apart for us, and something inside me knew it wasn't meant to be. So I asked if we could just stay friends, and he was okay with that. Why aren't you?"

"What makes you think I'm not?" asked Sheldon, still well and truly perplexed. Admittedly, he'd known nothing about Leonard approaching Penny again—it seemed that on this occasion, his roommate had decided to lick his wounds in private. But even learning that such an incident had happened did nothing to help Sheldon understand why Penny would have a grievance against _him._

"Oh, come on," said Penny irritably. "All those cheap digs about my looks, and pretending to be extra nice to me just so you could mess with my head? Seriously, Sheldon, you've said a lot of insulting things to me, but this is the first time you've made me think you really meant to hurt my feelings instead of, I dunno, just being from some other planet where people don't have them."

Sheldon was flabbergasted. He knew that Penny had been taking a cynical view of his overtures, but he had no idea that she'd actually been _offended_ by them. Really, it was maddening: if she could misinterpret his intentions to that extent, then she probably wouldn't even be willing to listen to his explanation of why the two of them belonged together…

And just like that, Sheldon realized what he had to do. He seized Penny firmly by both shoulders, turned her toward him, and kissed her.

*

Penny's mouth froze under his, her whole body rigid with incredulity. A bullet of frantic thought shot through Sheldon's brain: _Error—system failure—abort—_

And yet she hadn't actually pulled back, so he forced himself to try harder. To overcome his own natural reserve, ignore the part of him that insisted on recalling just how many bacteria and viruses could be passed by mouth-to-mouth contact, and move his lips just a little, inquiringly, against hers. _Are you with me, Penny? Do you understand now?_

For a moment he dared to believe she was softening. But then her hands clenched in the fabric of his t-shirt, balling into fists, and she pushed him away.

Sheldon's stomach twisted into a sickening knot. He had tried to speak her language, but it seemed that this, like all his previous efforts, had been a failure.

Then it registered on him that even though Penny had broken off the kiss, she wasn't letting him go. She just held him there, their faces mere inches apart, staring into his eyes.

"Tell me this isn't some kind of weird experiment," she whispered harshly. "Tell me you really mean it."

"Penny—" began Sheldon, but he barely had a nanosecond to collect his thoughts before she yanked him forward and clamped her lips back onto his.

Now it was Sheldon's turn to stiffen in shock. He lost his balance, flailed and toppled against the wall, Penny's slight weight pinning him like a beetle on a card. He couldn't think what to do with his hands—oh dear heavens she was all over him and he couldn't _breathe—_

"Sweetie?" Penny's voice was a throaty murmur against his lips. "That's what your nose is for."

Oh. Yes. Of course, he could respire nasally and still kiss Penny at the same time. How sensible of her to think of such a solution. He inhaled, feeling his dizziness subside, and slowly brought up both his hands to cup her face, his fingers winding into the soft tangle of her hair. She tasted of alcohol, but even more strongly of breath mints, which made him wonder—had she anticipated this? It seemed unlikely, but right now Sheldon would have believed just about anything.

And all the while their mouths moved against each other, finding new angles to touch and uncharted territory to explore, tracing a delicate geometry of shared passion. He felt like every particle in his body was vibrating with desire, and to his silent wonder, he could feel Penny trembling too. Yet his wits hadn't deserted him: instead, he was able to analyze her responses and learn from them, in a way that actually enhanced the experience. It was amazingly pleasurable to be thinking about kissing Penny and really kissing her at the same time, feeling and reason intimately entwined in the quiet darkness inside his head, body and mind no longer at cross-purposes but acting as one.

But when her hands slid up inside his shirt, the jolt of raw arousal that went through him reminded Sheldon just how precarious that mind-body balance could be. He gripped Penny's wrists and gently pushed her away.

"What?" she asked, looking stricken. "What did I do?"

He folded her hands back into her lap and patted them, to reassure her. Then he hurriedly got up from the stair, went back into his apartment and returned with the potted orchid in hand. He had chosen it for its hardiness as well as its beauty: an elegant specimen of the genus _Phalaenopsis_, its long stems discreetly supported by bamboo stakes, its nodding blossoms deep fuchsia.

"This is for you," he said, holding it out to her.

"Sheldon!" she exclaimed, jumping up to take it from his hands. "Did you really buy that for me? That's the sweetest thing! Nobody's ever given me an orchid before—"

Then abruptly she went silent, her eyes fixed on something small and sparkling among the petals. She didn't move, and she seemed incapable of speech.

"That too is yours, Penny, if you wish it."

Slowly she reached out, lifting the diamond free of the stake on which it had hung. In a faint voice she said, "Sheldon, honey, this is an _engagement ring_."

"I know," said Sheldon.


	2. Chapter 2

The ring lay gently in the palm of Penny's hand, a delicate circle of gold and diamond.

It was beautiful. It looked expensive. It was, in short, the kind of ring she'd always dreamed of.

And it terrified her.

"Sheldon—" Her voice came out hoarsely past the prickly lump in her throat. "You don't really—I mean, this can't be what it—"

"I should think my intentions would be quite obvious," said Sheldon with a hint of impatience. "Absurd though the convention of a man offering a diamond ring to the woman he wishes to marry might be, it is nonetheless firmly rooted in popular Western custom…"

_The woman he wishes to marry_. Penny felt faint and a little sick. Of course Sheldon went on lecturing, undaunted by her glassy-eyed look, but she could barely hear him. Slowly she set down the potted orchid he'd given her, then backed up and sank down onto the stairs again.

Sheldon followed, still chatting away about the origins of the engagement ring and its symbolic significance. Penny felt her hysteria building with every word, and was just about to scream at him to shut up when he stopped, frowned down at her and said, "I'm sorry, is there a problem?"

"Yes," said Penny, grabbing his hand and shoving the ring back into it before she could be tempted to try it on. "The problem is that you are _crazy_, and I am putting a stop to this for your own good. Sheldon, you can't ask a girl to marry you on the very first date!"

"Oh, was this a 'date'?" said Sheldon. "Curious. I had expected something more formal." He considered the ring a moment, then tucked it away in his pocket. "Very well, I'll keep this for another time. Perhaps the second or third date would be more appropriate?"

Penny dropped her face against her hands.

"Oh, of course, we'll need to synchronize our schedules," Sheldon said. "I'll get my planner."

"Wait— Sheldon—" But he had already vanished through his apartment door. With a little moan of despair, Penny leaped up and hurried after him.

"Next Friday is Wii bowling night," said Sheldon as he flipped open his notebook and took out a pencil. "But I see no reason our date shouldn't take precedence. Would you be available at six-thirty, or would you prefer a later time?"

Despite her frustration, Penny couldn't help but be touched that Sheldon would so readily change his plans for her. However, this really had to stop _right now._ She grabbed the Daytimer out of his hands and tossed it onto the sofa, then seized him by the shoulders and shoved him down beside it. "Sheldon, you have to listen to me. _I can't marry you._ Not on the second date, not on the third. I'm not even sure we should _have _a second date."

Sheldon looked perplexed. "But Penny, you kissed me quite passionately a few minutes ago. I thought we had an understanding."

"All I understand is that you kissed me first, and yes it was amazing and I'm not sorry you did it, but don't you think we're moving a little fast here? I just came back from dinner with another guy, and a few minutes ago I would have sworn I wasn't even interested in you, or at least there wasn't any point in being interested because you were never going to… _agh!"_

Penny threw up her hands and spun away from him, not wanting him to see the tears that had sprung to her eyes. Why did he have to put her in a position like this? She couldn't bear the thought of hurting Sheldon—sure, she teased him all the time, and he sniped back, but this wasn't about the little things anymore, this was _huge _and she didn't know what to do.

"I see," said Sheldon after a moment. "You believe that I've acted precipitately. Without sufficient forethought."

"Uh…" When he put it like that, Penny wasn't so sure. After all, this was _Sheldon_ she was talking to, not Howard. Or Leonard. Or any other half-normal guy, for that matter. Had Sheldon ever done anything in his whole life without massively over-thinking it first?

"Or at least," Sheldon went on in a musing tone, "you fear that if the two of us agreed to marry based solely on our existing knowledge of each other, it would be an ill-founded decision that we would both come to regret."

"Well… yeah."

"You're wrong."

Penny's shoulders slumped.

"Allow me to prove it," said Sheldon, getting up and striding over to the whiteboard. He erased the scribbled formulas with a few brisk strokes, then uncapped a green marker and said, "What qualities do you consider important in a mate?"

"Isn't that Leonard's whiteboard?"

"Yes, but his calculations were uninspired and derivative. Answer the question, Penny."

Resigned, Penny flung herself down on the sofa. "I dunno, a guy who doesn't say things to me like 'You're wrong'?"

Sheldon considered this, then wrote "SPINELESS" on the board.

"That's not what I meant!" protested Penny, but she couldn't keep one corner of her mouth from twitching. Trust Sheldon to be so _Sheldon_, even when he was trying to talk her into marrying him...

"It amounts to the same thing," said Sheldon. "Either he lacks the courage and integrity to warn you when you are making a regrettable error, or he lacks the intelligence to perceive it. Should I have written MORON instead?"

"Okay, fine," Penny retorted. "So how am I 'wrong' in thinking it's crazy to propose to somebody when you haven't even dated them yet?"

A frown wrinkled Sheldon's brow. "I thought you said this _was_ our first date. Really, Penny, I'd appreciate you being more specific in defining your terms."

"Sheldon! Can we stick to the point?"

"Oh, very well," he said petulantly. "The point is that you are overlooking the obvious. As I understand it, the purpose of _dating_ is to enable two people to get to know one another better, and determine whether or not they would be compatible in a long-term relationship. Correct?"

"Yes," said Penny, warily.

"And to that end, this hypothetical couple agree to spend time together in a variety of settings and situations, so that they can observe each other's positive and negative attributes and decide whether it would be prudent to make a formal commitment to one another. I ask you, Penny, how much time have you and I spent together over the past four years?"

"Um…"

"By my calculations, based on the average number of visits we have made to each other's apartments each week and the average duration of those visits, we have now spent approximately eight hundred and thirty-two hours in each other's company. During that time we have pursued a wide range of shared tasks and activities, and although we have occasionally disagreed, argued or even expressed mutual hostility, we have inevitably 'made up' shortly afterward. We are each fully aware of the other's preferences, hobbies and interests, as well as our respective personality traits and tendencies. I find it difficult to imagine that we could learn anything new or significant about each other simply by agreeing to spend additional time together once or twice a week."

He really _had_ thought about this, Penny realized with a flash of alarm. And she couldn't deny that what he was saying made sense. He'd even made her fill out a detailed Friendship Questionnaire at one point, and knowing him, he probably still had it on file. Still, he'd managed to surprise her with that kiss—not to mention the orchid and the proposal—so they obviously didn't know everythingabout each other yet.

"Yeah, but just because we're good neighbors, or good friends, or… or whatever you want to call us," she said, "that's a lot different from being _married_. And why would you even want to marry me? You organize your cereal by fiber content, for crap's sake!"

Sheldon let out a little snicker.

"What?" demanded Penny.

"Oh, you mean that witticism was unintentional?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, right, fiber and crap, ha ha. What I mean is, you have your whole life planned out to the last detail. And I'm constantly in a mess and right now I don't even know which cupboard my cereal is _in_."

"Are you saying you'd object to a clean environment and an organized pantry system?" asked Sheldon.

"Well, no, not exactly, but—okay, that wasn't the best example. Science! You're this big-shot theoretical physicist and you have like a jillion degrees, and I flunked chemistry in tenth grade. How am I supposed to keep up with you when you start blathering on about quirks and quarks and stringy-things?"

Sheldon looked pained. "Why would I want you to talk to me about science? That's what Leonard, Raj and Howard are for. Of course, they aren't my intellectual equals either, but then, practically no one is."

Penny sighed. "All right, fine, forget the science part. But what I'm trying to say is, you should choose someone who's _like_ you. Someone who thinks the way you do. You know?"

"Well, I suppose I could clone a female version of myself and subject her to a rigorous program of accelerated learning to bring her up to my educational equivalent," mused Sheldon. "But while the idea is intriguing, I really don't think it would be bio-ethically responsible."

Penny stared at him.

"And besides," Sheldon went on as he walked back to sit beside her, "while marrying someone just like myself might make for a more predictable existence, I suspect it would also be fairly pointless. I already know what it's like to live with myself."

"So you're saying," Penny said slowly, "that you want to marry me _because_ I'm different from you? Some kind of two-halves-of-a-whole thing?"

"Good lord, no," said Sheldon. "For one thing, I find the implication that I am only half a person quite distasteful, not to mention absurd. Nevertheless, I can see numerous advantages to choosing a partner with different strengths and interests from my own, and I believe you are intelligent enough to perceive those advantages as well."

Penny blinked. Had Sheldon really called her _intelligent_? A warm flush of pleasure went through her, and she found herself sliding a little closer to his end of the sofa. Then she recalled that he still hadn't dealt with all of her objections, and that if she wasn't careful she was going to end up engaged to a guy she hadn't even slept with yet, and made herself sit back again.

"Okay, but there's one thing I don't get," she said. "The whole time I've known you, you've been totally uninterested in sex, or romance, or whatever. I've seen girls throw themselves at you and you didn't even notice—and even once Leonard and the other guys explained what was going on, you couldn't be bothered to do anything about it. And like you said, we've spent a whole whack-load of time together and you never seemed to be attracted to me before. So why now? And why me?"

"That would be two things you don't get, Penny, not one," said Sheldon patiently. "To answer your first question, I admit that I myself was perplexed and even alarmed by my sudden attraction to you. But then I recalled how neuroscientific research indicates that decision-making activates the frontopolar cortex well before reaching the parietal—"

_"English,_ Sheldon," said Penny.

"What I mean is, there is good reason to believe that conscious choice is at least partly an illusion, and that our brains are wired to make decisions before logically processing them. Ultimately, I came to believe that since my conscious mind was too ossified by habit and prejudice to acknowledge your desirability as a mate, my subconscious was forced to use my body to convince me otherwise."

Penny felt a little dazed. Was Sheldon really saying that she'd blown his mind?

"As for why I would choose you," Sheldon continued, "it is true that I have met other women who appeared to be personable, intelligent, aesthetically pleasing, or all three. But your influence on me over the past four years has been different from any relationship I have experienced before. Your unwillingness to 'put up with my crap,' as you have often put it, has frequently led to conflict between us. But it is also a quality I… admire."

His voice lowered on the final word, and Penny found herself breathing harder. She licked her dry lips and said, "Sheldon, I—"

He looked at her inquiringly.

"Oh, hell with it," Penny blurted, grabbed him by the shoulders, and kissed him.

She'd expected him to yelp and seize up, but although Sheldon gave a little start as her lips touched his, he made no sound and his tense muscles relaxed almost at once. He even put his arms around her, the embrace tentative at first then growing surer, one hand cupping her shoulder blade and the other sliding down the curve of her spine as she pressed against him. He hadn't forgotten anything he'd learned from their first kiss, either—the way his mouth brushed the corner of hers and the slow trace of his tongue along her lower lip were proof of that.

He admired her. He _respected_ her. He didn't want to change her into someone she wasn't, or didn't want to be. Sure, he could drive her crazy with his fussy ways, but he was also the most honest, transparent person she'd ever met. And though he hadn't said "I love you" in so many words, the orchid and the ring and the long-winded argument for why they should get engaged _right now_ told Penny everything she needed to know.

Not to mention the soft but urgent movement of Sheldon's lips against her own, the way his breath caught when she slid her hands down his chest to his stomach and the feel of his fingers exploring her ribcage—there was nothing clinical or academic about that. And if he could make her shiver just sitting on a sofa together with all their clothes on, it was hard to believe he wouldn't be equally amazing in—

_Oh. Oh no._

Penny jerked back, pressing one hand to her swollen lips. "I can't. Sheldon, I'm so sorry, I _can't._"

"Can't what?" His voice sounded slurred and his eyes were half-lidded, as though she'd drugged him.

"Do this. Any of this. It wouldn't be fair to you. I've been with so many guys and you haven't even—" She took a shaky breath. "You deserve better."

"Your scruples are unnecessary, Penny," said Sheldon, sitting up slowly. "I'm well aware of your sexual history. However, I also know that prior to your string of short-lived relationships you lived with your boyfriend Kurt for over four years, and that it was his infidelity, not yours, which ended that relationship. I see no reason to believe you incapable of commitment, provided you are with someone who is equally committed to you." His deep blue eyes were serious. "And I am."

Penny closed her eyes, feeling tears burning behind them. All this time she'd thought Sheldon looked down on her, that he despised her weakness and her lack of self-control… How could he have more faith in her than she even had in herself?

"It's not that," she said. "Or at least, that's not all of it. It's just—I can't help comparing you to those other guys, whether I want to or not, and—"

She stopped as Sheldon took her hand and laced his long fingers into hers. "Penny," he said in a reproving tone, "I'll forgive your ignorance this once, since you are clearly overwrought. But do you really think my ego is that fragile? And do you truly believe that I cannot prove myself superior to your past partners in _every _way, not just intellectually? I admit that it may take a certain amount of practice, but I assure you, I am an excellent learner."

Penny looked down at their joined hands, and swallowed back the lump in her throat. "Sheldon?" she asked.

"Yes, Penny."

"Do you still have that ring?"

*

"What's an orchid doing outside Penny's door?" asked Raj as he, Leonard and Howard climbed up onto the landing.

"I dunno," said Howard. "Is there a note on it, or something?" He walked over and stooped to examine it. "Don't see one. Nice flowers, though. Kinda sexy."

"Maybe she's not home," Leonard said. "Pick it up, we'll take it with us and I'll give it to her tomorrow."

Obediently Howard picked up the pot and carried it over, while Leonard took out his key and unlocked the apartment door.

"What I can't figure out," Raj began as they headed inside, "is why Sheldon didn't want to come to the comic store with—"

His voice cut off in a squeak. Two heads—one dark, one gleaming blonde—were clearly visible above the top of the sofa, and they were both in Sheldon's spot. In fact, from this angle it looked remarkably like Penny was sitting on Sheldon's lap, and the two of them were kissing.

"Uh… Penny?" said Leonard in a voice that rose an octave and cracked on the final syllable, and the two heads jerked apart.

"Oh, hi, guys!" exclaimed Penny, climbing off Sheldon and waving her glittering left hand. "Guess what? Sheldon and I got engaged!"

The potted orchid shattered on the floor.

THE END

_Author's Note: Thanks to Damalur for proofreading Part One so thoroughly, and to Renisanz for her excellent beta-reading skills on Part Two!  
And thanks to all who've read this story -- if you enjoyed it, please do review, I'd love to hear what you have to say!_


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